- Toughness: This is the notion that men should be physically strong, emotionally callous, and behaviourally aggressive.
- Anti-feminity: This involves the idea that men should reject anything that is considered to be feminine, such as showing emotion or accepting help.
- Power: This is the assumption that men must work toward obtaining power and status (social and financial) so they can gain the respect of others.
Growing up in a blue-collar industrial city, I clearly remember when my father took me with him to BHP steel works. Even though I was still a little girl, I can still remember the black coal underfoot, the large, coarse women operating the cafeteria, and how every person on site wore a hard hat. I remember my father putting the heavy hat on my head and leading me to his office. He was proud of his work, of what BHP (Broken Hill Propriety) did, and the world of men, which shaped the entirety of Newcastle. This was his world.
What I want to say here is that I get why toxic masculinity exists, and why it was probably necessary. I can understand that places like steel mines and war zones lend themselves to a ‘toughen up’ attitude. Survival of the fittest would necessitate rejecting anything deemed to be ‘weak’, such as emotion, softness, vulnerability – classically feminine traits. These places made men out of boys, where ‘men’ meant strong, emotionally callous, aggressive, independent, assertive, hard working, powerful – even to the point of violent. This is about dominating your weaker side, showing no mercy to the timid, and rising up against nature. It is a world of competition, of winning.
But whilst I get why toxic masculinity existed, I believe that there is no longer any place for this in our contemporary world as the ramifications of toxic masculinity is far reaching and infiltrates places far beyond these isolated ‘manly’ spheres. In fact, toxic masculinity affects women just as much as it affects men, particularly in post-industrial cities like Newcastle.
In my own schooling experience, I had to hide to survive. Make myself invisible or unworthy of notice. I had to be less in order to be accepted. Any female who dared to be strong, assertive or beautiful was asking to be bullied, abused or sexually harassed. And not only by men or boys – but by women and girls, too.
Whilst I was bullied mercilessly by other boys and girls for being intelligent, pretty and creative, a female relative was sexually abused in the school bathrooms of the local primary school when she was only ten years old by another female student – a bully who was notably masculine. In fact, she even had a male surname.
This pulling women down in the quest to destroy their confidence, to eliminate competition and to oppress – by men and women – can be likened to tall poppy syndrome, but I argue that this is actually toxic masculinity in action. In a world where dominant men conquer all, it is no wonder that women idealise these same qualities and behaviours that would enable them to rise. The only way up? To climb up and over the backs of their ‘lesser’ female or feminine counterparts.
Nasty or emotionally hurtful comments and put downs, particularly directed towards competent and capable leaders, are still commonplace in places where toxic masculinity has not yet been exposed. But in exposing it, there is no shame, there is only moving on and evolving, in allowing feminine and masculine to rightfully co-exist.
I will openly state here that toxic masculinity still exists everywhere. And whilst the landscape is beginning to change, toxic masculinity still exists in Newcastle.
I always find that when I go back to my hometown, I am taken aback at the attitudes that pervade the culture so deeply, they are embedded in the very landscape of its people. In fact, I often find myself slipping into a mindset that is defensive, defeatist and fatalistic. What right have I to challenge the norms in a place so entrenched in anti-feminist sentiment? I remember as a teen my grandmother telling me that reading too much feminist literature inevitably leads to a woman becoming a lesbian, and later recall my own mother telling me that to her, a man was only a man when he exhibited brute force – otherwise, he was a ‘sissy’.
Just last weekend I was visiting my sister and went running each morning. I noticed on my route that a bus shelter had two council-sponsored posters displaying locals: a male racing car driver, and a female artist. The poster of the artist was graffitied beyond recognition, with sexist comments like ‘slut’ everywhere. The poster of the racing car driver was, however, untouched. This clearly illustrates the psyche of toxic masculinity: if you dare be seen as an independent and strong female, you are entitled to be labelled, defined, and abused.
In going back to Newcastle and seeing it clearly for what it is, I know that it does not have to be this way, and that in the landscape changing now that it is no longer a city of industry since BHP closed down, there is an opportunity for Newcastle to move into the future and to embrace feminine energy. And once this happens, great things will happen. For I truly believe that as soon as each one of us as a human being embraces both their masculine and their feminine energy, that is when we will each find our greatness, and there will be no need to compare, compete, and feel that the only way to individually achieve our greatness is by hurting or exploiting others.
WAYS TO REDUCE TOXIC MASCULINITY
Education and redefining masculinity: to be a man does NOT mean that you need to be aggressive and domineering; it just makes you a bully. Let’s redefine what makes us male and female and begin to educate children better by firstly being good role models of civilised attitudes and behaviour, and secondly by evolving language to make it gender neutral and gender inclusive.
Allowing boys to express themselves creatively: creativity is often assigned a feminine label, and whilst creativity is a feminine attribute, it is innate in females and males. Indeed, both males AND females have femininity and masculinity. We need them both; they are equally important. Just as day needs night and light needs dark, we need both masculinity AND femininity in order to attain wholeness and totality.
Praising sensitivity and encouraging boys to value individuality and uniqueness: offering awards and validation that are not just for ‘best’ or ‘first place’ are positive steps in encouraging freedom of expression and seeing the uniqueness that each child possesses.
Not over-emphasising, glorifying and idealising competition and competitiveness: too much pressure to perform in competitive situations can lead to mental health and esteem issues, particularly in boys who are not predisposed towards overly masculine activities. Boys who naturally gravitate towards more feminine activities and pursuits may find the pressure to perform socially acceptable gendered activities hinders their personal actualisation and stifles their own personal dreams and desires. Girls who are taught to idealise competitiveness grow up wanting to dominate and cut down other women as they have been conditioned that it is a primary source of esteem.
Setting boundaries: if you feel that someone’s behaviour or their language is reflecting toxic masculinity, set boundaries or remove yourself from the situation or place.
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