Why is sisterhood so undervalued, unspoken, even underplayed in our society? Why still, in our post-feminist world of liberal career working single mothers and pro-abortion feminists? It would seem a contradiction that in our times of supposed feminine enlightenment and female empowerment the very concept of gender discrimination and undermining girls is something that we still need to explore.
But here I am, writing a blog on it.
So, what do I mean when I talk about sisterhood?
Quite simply, I mean the kind of non-judgemental and open love, support and nurturance that can and should be shared between females. The kind of kinship that can and should exist because we each share a unique experience as women of earth. And that’s something that we can and should practice.
Sisterhood is still such a strained concept, simply because for thousands of years the banding together of women has always been a source of recrimination, conflict and fear. Whether it was in ancient Athens and their use of Amazonian myth to paint the idea that any matriarchy will effectively lead to chaos, sexual mutilation and conflict (gasp! Look at what will happen if women are allowed to rule society!) or in the middle ages and the sinister depiction of witches as any woman who possessed knowledge or who espoused individualist ideas. Is it any wonder that, even in our supposed libertarian times sisterhood is still so taboo and therefore out of reach for many, if not most, women?
I’m talking about women feeling unafraid to speak their truth. Women unencumbered by societal pressure or convention or performitivity. I’m talking about a sisterhood where women can shed their protective armour that is so acceptably presented as ego, and softening into their true form as the woman they were born to be, as powerful in their truth, powerful in their light, powerful in their love.
So effective has patriarchy been in undercutting women that it is actually conditioned and generationally felt that women must feel ashamed of her sex. That she is, quite simply, not good enough. The entire concept of genesis validates woman’s shame and man’s downfall: she couldn’t even get the rules of that one right – way to go, Eve. So girls more often than not subconsciously grow up feeling insecure, unworthy, and undervalued.
I actually remember admitting to a male friend many many years ago when I was a little girl that, ‘I wish that I had been born a boy!’ and told by my own father to ‘harden up’. There were the ways that the boys were allowed to play sports that the girls weren’t, and even behaviours that were socially unacceptable for girls to do, but perfectly fine for the boys. All of these examples from my own past are nothing in comparison to how, in many cultures, to be female is considered a disadvantage and of less social import, with the most extreme example being China’s history of female infanticide which spans 2000 years. I would posit that in all of these instances, female disconnection, disharmony and sabotage is simply a by-product of the seed of shame implanted by none other than patriarchy itself.
But it’s time to rewrite this narrative, and that’s what I’m here to help do. I’m here to help women to quit hating on one-another, and begin to conquer their own inner demons that are actually the ones generated by generations of conditioned attitudes and beliefs which have no place in our time, and our future.
In reconnecting women together we need to realise the importance of disrupting gendered narratives which devalue women, and render them different (ergo LESS) than their male counterparts. This starts from the beginning. It starts from the moment you decide to become a mother, a parent, and a better human being.
How to support sisterhood??
– Actively stop gender bias from happening. There’s no need for boys and girls to line up in boys only and girls only lines. There’s no need for boys to be teamed up against girls. There’s no need to draw attention to or highlight gender difference, at any age. If you see this at your local school, just have a quiet word with the teachers, as they may not realise the implications of these seemingly simple actions.
– Ensure that bullying of women stops. One of the pitfalls of Patriarchal conditioning is the way that men associate dominance and strength with ego and will often cut women down, undermine them or use them to prop up their own egos. Young and impressionable women easily fall into the trap of ‘going along with’ this anti-feminist conditioning and end up feeling largely disembodied, ashamed and unhappy anyway. I could talk about this forever, but I’m going to leave it here for now.
– Foster positive body image. Lead by example and validate your fellow sisters no matter their outer appearance.
– Learn to lift others up. Too often girls belittle and criticise other girls, typically when they themselves are feeling insecure. Make it clear that this is not OK, and that if they need to talk, be there to listen.
– When your girl is going through her period for the first time, encourage her girl friends to come around to celebrate and make an occasion out of it. Make womanhood a badge of honour for our girls, fill them with pride for their sex.
– Make it known that there is NO room for sexual shaming or judgemental comparison in conversation. I remember all-too-well the Playgroup where the women sat around talking unkindly of other women, or insisting of some sort of pecking order. This is not supportive of sisterhood, and this is not okay.
– If you feel insecure, intimidated or afraid of certain women, check in with yourself and ask yourself what are you afraid of? What feelings are being surfaced for you by this woman’s presence? What are you struggling with personally inside of you? Remember, strong women don’t cut other women down; they help raise them up.
If you would like to support sisterhood, start by loving yourself and celebrating yourself as a woman first. Start by acknowledging your masculine AND feminine energies. And make sure that you also come along to one of my women’s circles!
Amanda X
Sculpture by @magdalena.karlowicz
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