Let’s face it – there are many occasions in a person’s life when feelings of inadequacy arise and even consume us. These feelings tend to peak in the teenage years and early twenties, when we most compare ourselves to others in the quest for self-identity, or when the competitive nature of our individualist society places immense pressure on us to strive for perfection and our place in the world. Our society, which prioritises money, good looks, athleticism – nothing below par excellence – would have it that we spend our lives desperately trying to be someone other than who we are. But what a terrible and tragic waste of life that truly is, when you are exactly who you need to be.
And then there are the people who try to make you feel insecure in your self-worth, who subtly or overtly attempt to undermine you, who discredit you or discount your voice – people who impose their own ideas on you. They may make you question your own resolve, or even question yourself completely, and you begin to wonder if you were ever right. From there you become so insecure that you’re incapable of asserting a clear opinion without checking with them if it’s ok first. Soon you think you’re going crazy, and you become a wreck, unsure of who you are, and unable to stop thinking that you’re just not worthy, that you’re insignificant or that you need to be better, somehow – but you’re just not sure how.
Don’t buy into it.
“It is all too easy to lose sight of your needs, it is all too easy to think that you’re not doing enough, that you’re not fit enough or beautiful enough, that your home or car isn’t perfect enough … But the simple truth is: you do not need to justify yourself to anyone. Your life is perfect, just the way that it is.”
There are many reasons why some people try to make others feel inadequate, and this may be for a number of reasons, including their need to feel superior or dominant, their desire for control, unresolved codependency issues, or the fact that they themselves have low self-worth.
But what you need to be assured of, is that you are enough, and you are capable of taking back your feelings of self worth and self love.
You are enough means this: You do not need to feel pressured to have to be everything, do everything, have everything. You don’t need to ‘measure up’ to some unachievable yardstick, one that is certainly not of your own making, but made more by societal expectation and pressure, the pressure to be more significant, to have more, to have achieved more – to have the perfect life. Perfect doesn’t exist, so let it go and feel the release from that expectation.
Because I’m a mother I’m going to use some examples from my own life right now about the need to be everything or to be more. Perhaps I’m biased, but I feel that there is no greater pressure on a person today than that of the modern mother, who has to be everything to everyone, and who then wonders why she’s lost herself along the way. “I’m a carer, I’m a cook, I’m a lover, I’m a work-from-home mum with hustle, I’m a business woman, I’m a part time employee, I’m studying to be something more …” etc etc. In the slew of all these roles, responsibilities and obligations, little wonder that we modern mothers feel as though we’re drowning in emotional and spiritual exhaustion. Remember also that modern mothers predominantly raise their children solo, without the aid of a ‘village’, so to speak.
This pressure is only compounded by the way in which we now lead highly visual lives, and by visual, I mean virtual. And by virtual, I mean the way in which we not only share but compare lives through a carefully curated series of vignettes or images – things that we choose to share of our lives with others. Is it any wonder our self-worth and overall happiness is diminished when so-and-so has that or does this with her children, when I only have this and do that.
For example, with small children, I have always preferred to be close to the home. Not only is this because small children are hard work (they need naps, they tire easily, they respond better to structure and rhythm than unpredictable surprises, etc) regular meals (who wants to buy take out all the time?) they crave time to enjoy free play – but also because, as a creative, I feel that creativity happens closest to the home environment. I also personally believe that little ones don’t really require long outings to the latest exhibit or show, and even when we did take them out, mine would inevitably become overtired, grumpy, and need a good amount of time at home again to re-ground themselves.
However, this didn’t stop me from comparing what I did to the things that other mothers seemed to do with their children. Mothers who seemingly took their children everywhere, did everything, with little rest or time spent at home, doing – well, not that much really. (Let them be bored, I say). In comparing myself to their lives, I attempted to follow in suit, realising afterwards that it didn’t suit me or my children, and feeling foolish afterwards.
So this is what I’m getting at: it is all too easy to lose sight of your needs. It is all too easy to think that you’re not doing enough, that you’re not fit enough or beautiful enough, that your home or car isn’t perfect enough or that you’re just not living up to the glorious life that conditioning and consumerism would have us think we need. But the simple truth is: you do not need to justify yourself to anyone. Your life is perfect, just the way that it is – so stop worrying and enjoy it.
Enjoy and celebrate who you are. Enjoy and celebrate your moments. Stop comparing yourself, and begin to celebrate yourself. I’ve created a free downloadable printable to help you to celebrate you – just click on the image below and have a go at this activity over a cup of tea or coffee and know that you are enough, so breathe a sigh of relief, and enjoy. X
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